Can homosexuality be an adaptive behavior?

Before I start, this is not a debate on being gay as a choice or birth in general. This is a discussion on a specific scenario.


I was in the “outdoors research center” at the office with a friend was relaying a situation with a relative.

The relative (let’s call her Lisa for simplicity) is a big girl.

She is also young, a minor in fact and she likes boys.

The downside is that her perception, real or not, is that her weight leaves her unattractive to those boys.

In this process of desire and lack of reciprocation she has decided that she is lesbian, bi-sexual at least.

This brought me to wonder if and how often people (I suspect predominantly women) choose by being adaptive to be gay.

While I am supportive of the community, I am not a member so I am quite a bit out of the loop. Perhaps some of our friends may have more insight to share on this.

Do you know people in this situation? (are YOU in a similar situation?)

Do they seem happy in general or does there seem to be a longing to spend their time and intimacy with someone of the opposite gender.

Has anyone seen any studies on this aspect of homosexuality?


7 thoughts on “Can homosexuality be an adaptive behavior?”

  1. I haven't seen studies, and I haven't been in this situation myself, but I have friends that have "adapted" to the lifestyle to deal with certain situations. The one close friend in particular is a man, now 41 years old. Now this may sound like a stereotype, but from his experience it's true. He went to prison for 12 years in his mid 20s, he had no family that could visit him on a regular basis, and when he got transferred out of state he had no friends that could visit him either. So he became part of the prison lifestyle as they called it. He ended up having several "long term" sexual relations with other men in the prison, and he said one of them was a very emotional bond as well. When he got out a few years ago, he changed his life and has tried to stay out of trouble ever since, he completely cut ties with anyone and everyone he met in prison. He says it is because he can't have that kind of influence in his life, but I suspect that, at least in part, he doesn't want too many people to know about his prison lifestyle, as he is purely heterosexual out here on the outside.

    1. I had not thought about the incarcerated individuals.We always hear the various jokes, and since humor has roots in the truth…I see no reason that some of those relationships could end up as preferences on the outside.I would expect that most will return to their preferred gender when they have access again.Thank you for bringing that to us.What other options did we forget about?

      1. My step-daughter had a "fling" with her best friend, in their senior year of high school. They had both been dating boys the year before, but between a bad prom experience and a summer of the guys running around playing the field, they both felt very mistrustful of boys. So they took their friendship and trust for each other and moved it to the next level. Both admitted that they wouldn't consider themselves lesbians because they wouldn't do this with any other girls. Her friend ended it after a few months because if her, very religious, family ever found out there would be hell to pay. My step-daughter said that if she hadn't ended it they might still be together. Now my step-daughter is married, and her friend has a kid and is a single parent. So I don't know if this fits the definition of adaptive behavior, but it was a way of coping with distrust of the opposite gender while remaining in a romantic/sexual relationship. (oddly enough, my step-daughter was a virgin when she had the lesbian relationship, I think this was part of the reason she didn't trust boys)

  2. It would seem that "adaptive" means "choice." That is exactly what I think about the practice anyway. You guys already know what I think about the subject in general so I will for go that.

    I can see that a choice of one sex over the other can occur. Especially when you experience nothing but bad things from one particular side.

    As for the "size" issue. My daughter is close to 300 pounds. She has fought that battle all her life. She also has a significant other who looks beyond the outside of the shell. That is called character.

    1. I see a choice coming into play, but I do not think that it is the case for a majority of people. So in this discussion we are looking at those who seem plainly heterosexual, but due to environmental issues seeing choices being made. The need for sexual release and intimacy seems to be strong enough to alter sexual preference. (at least in some cases)

      1. I can't explain why it does happen. But, know personally two men who both 'had" families. One had five children and the other had three. They both chose to begin their gay life style. You and eyes can guess what reaction that caused in the circles I run in. Not welcomed at all. They chose to walk completely away from the life they had.

        One of them was a good friend of mine. He disappeared completely on me with zero way for me to contact him. I have never been unkind to him in any way. He disappeared even from his kids. Maybe you can understand leaving the wife, but the kids? That is not right at all.

        Of the two things, being gay or the kid issue. If I ever get the chance to speak with him again, it will be for the child issue that he incurs my wrath, not his gayness, even though I disagree with that too.

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